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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Good luck OP.  I don't think you will ever really be friends, because what you are putting your ex and your children through is not the act of a friend.

Why do you want to be friends, beyond being amicable co-parents?  Is it to convince yourself that you didn't really hurt him?  My mom cheated on my dad and for the past 25 years she has insisted that she, my dad, and her co-cheater are all the best of friends.  We're all a big happy family and nobody minds that she cheated.  We just don't spend time together because my dad is too busy.  It's how she copes with the cognitive dissonance, but it irritates everyone else.  It's enough that you cheated and broke up the family.  Leave the poor man alone.  He can find other friends.[/quote]

I agree with this. You are deluding yourself if you think he should want to or will be friends with you after what you've done. You need to own the damage you've caused, and hope for the best, which is that you are both polite and kind.

I had an amicable divorce and we've coparented and been good friends for 20 years. It's possible, as long as no one screwed over anyone, which is not your case. His wife does have a jealous streak, though, so we limit our interactions out of respect to her and the peace and health of their marriage.[/quote]

Why is it always derided as a jealous streak if a second wife has the expectation of not sharing her husband with his ex or having 3 people in her marriage? That's a normal expectation that has nothing to do with jealousy but everything to do with the fact that is her husband now and no woman is okay with her husband devoting hours a day to texting or chatting with another woman. [/quote]

Not sure if you're very young and in your first relationship, but as life goes on, people generally have more layers of evolved relationships that go back a long way. Exes, kids, stepkids, half-siblings, ex-in-laws, etc do not have to get cut out of one's life and heart just because people remarry.

No derision was intended in this case. We're all remarried. Of the four of us, she's the only one who ever has a jealous/territorial moment. I respect her feelings, and understand that they're normal, and that's why we don't hang out, even though three of us would like to. We coparent. We are friends. My ex feels like family to me, and we've known each other since we were teens. Because I have experienced jealousy (not in this situation, but in life), I can empathize with her. She has a right to her feelings and preference that her husband set aside his ex and put her first. She's always been an awesome stepmom/coparent, and I'm glad my ex found happiness with her. She's far more accomplished and a stronger person than I am, yet she has insecurities. That's what makes a jealous streak, as I understand it in myself. It's human.

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