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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've got a teen and tween DD, and fyi DCUM recommended a book called "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!"

One of the most comforting things about that book was that the teen actually WANTS their parent to be nerdy, etc.  They hear it.

I was like you, OP, but instead of horses, it was the beach and my dog, and working.  I never got into trouble. One of the things that is hard for me--I mentioned it to my DH yesterday, in fact--is that I feel like such an outlier; the parent who cannot "remember" the crazy parties and know how to deal with it, because I never went to crazy parties.  Never was around the drugs.  Didn't kiss anyone until I was just shy of 20 years old and in college.  So all this feels like another world and I do feel a bit ill-equipped.

My teen DD sort of laughs at me for being so ancient on all this stuff.  But I think it gives her a role model, and permission to also be older when doing this stuff, and also to not do some of the stuff.  DH and I have made it clear that we didn't have sex in high school, and that lots of people don't, and have not done drugs.  I make a big deal out of how I tried a cigarette once and thought I my lungs were going to explode.

My DD thinks it's quaint, but I think it's helped her.  I remind her that it looks like everyone is doing "it" because for every loudmouth or spotlight-seeker, there are 19 others just going about their business that we don't hear or see.

I guess you use every tool in your toolbox, OP.  A parent who has had a hard drug history would go the opposite way to detail how derailed she got, to discourage the behavior.  Different tactic, both based on experience, both can be effective.

One thing, OP.  I talked to them when they were younger.  Tweens are a great age because they still listen.  The stuff you input now really sticks with them; just keep repeating.

Tangent:  One (not very PC) thing I always say--boys are programmed to show off when they get around girls.  The presence of the female can trigger the male youth show-off behavior.  Peacocks use feathers, parrots dance, rams pound their heads.  Human males use tools.  If their tool is a basketball or guitar, fine.  The problem comes when the tool is a car or motorcycle, because you are now in a situation where you could die as a result of their showing off.  So for now, don't be a passenger in these situations![/quote]

I showed this last paragraph to my husband and he completely agrees with your assessment. [/quote]

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