Reply to Do you judge women who are in abusive relationships?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

It's not that the victim wants to stay with someone who is bashing your face in. It's that their spouse could try to perpetrate the violence even after they leave and especially if kids are involved it's a hard risk to take.

[b]Sometimes the abuse is not physical and then it's harder for the victim to discern whether there actually is abuse.[/b] I am potentially in this situation- my husband has a horrible anger problem and when he lashed out it's really nasty- he has called me and the kids "stupid" and told us to shut up. But there is also the side of him that is tender and loving and I know that he definitely loves the kids with all his heart. It's really hard to leave a situation when there are signs that it could potentially be better.

Bottom line- don't be so judgy.[/quote]

This.  It's why I hate it when people minimize verbal/emotional abuse.  I had a BF in grad school who with manic depression, and he was extremely verbally/emotionally abusive.  I often chalked it up to his disease (and maybe they were related), but it didn't make it less abusive.  I didn't see what was going on, though, until the first time he became physical.  That very quickly gave me the impetus to leave the relationship, but if we had been more involved (married or kids), I think it would've been much harder.  As it was, I still had trouble letting him go entirely, and remained in a close friendship with him.  It was all so very unhealthy in retrospect, and I didn't really disentangle until I left the area altogether.

All of that said, I get very frustrated when I see people making these harmful decisions about their lives.  I don't know how to make leaving easier for people, but I wish it were.[/quote]

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