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[quote=Anonymous]

OP - I think the 9 year oild is old enough "to be heard" on how things are going for him or from his perspective now with a three year old sibling to be in his life, too, and to get his sense of what he enjoys and what he does not and why?  Also ask him what would make it work better for him and let him know that giving him a say means he will have responsibilities in terms of behavior that a 3-year old has yet to learn.  There do need to be some ground rules on behavior and recognize that never having had a sibling around, the older boy may not realize how a light push or something might hurt a much younger child.

It is also important for the Step Parent to let him know how much you do enjoy him and hope to see the younger one develop XXX skills or abilities over the years.  Also that both of you will always listen to older child if the younger one is bothering him and take appropriate action.  Also for the 9 year old both of you need to understand that his friends and his activities now and in the next few years will be very important to keep going even if it is extra effort in planning etc.

Three year old is also old enough to have some basic behavior cues followed and appropriate measures taken if not such as time out, no TV, no dessert or whatever you choose,  **It will be important for the older sibling to see that you are not only teaching the younger child, but also disciplining appropriately when it is needed so that he does not feel that junior is the prized child and gets the run of the house.

Question will older child be remaining in the home of his parent who is marrying?  If not then he should be given input in how he would like his room to look.  If yes, then 3-yar old should be taught appropriate boundaries of going in or not.  Keep an eye out on the 9 year old to see if some family therapy might also help him and both of you parents work things out better for him and younger sibling with some professional guidance.[/quote]

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