Reply to Help! Dating question: are my expectations wrong?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Never married, early 30s male here. Recently got out of a long term relationship. Finally taking the plunge into dating again. The last time I was single online dating was slightly less mainstream. So, this is my first time using apps like Bumble or Tinder. So far, the supply of high quality women in my target age range (27-35) is solid and I've gone on several dates. I'm going on a 2nd date today with a woman I am very attracted to and who is great "on paper" for me. That said, she (and a few others that I've met frankly) seem very cautious/conservative. I'm not looking for a hook up, but comments that these women have made make me wonder if my views on when physical stuff is supposed to happen are out of the mainstream. Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting sex on the first date, or even before monogamy, but the last time I was dating (late 20s) cooking dinner and watching a movie followed with a make out session (or more) was quite common around date #3. These women are giving me the vibe that's not normal to them. Am I picking the wrong women? Has dating changed that much between late 20s and early 30s? Is it the medium (online)?

Any advice would be appreciated. [/quote]

Your whole concept about "expectations" is wrong.  You seem to think that it's OK to "expect" that a woman make out with you by date X, because you're not "expecting sex".

Unwanted sex is rape. Unwanted sexual contact is sexual assault.  "Expecting" that a woman would do anything sexual with you is a reflection of rape culture.

You may want a particular kind of sexual contact at a particular time and she may not.  That doesn't mean that she has violated some kind of cultural "expectation".

You do see how "expectation" is tied to rape culture, don't you?

You get to ask when you feel the need; that is normal.  
She gets to say no whenever she wants; that is also normal.  
Focus more on consent and less on what she is "expected" to do. [/quote]

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