Reply to normal sex play or not? and how to talk to other parent about it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So sorry op. It's not normal at all. 
I would never play with Alex again. Huge red flags.
It's not even age appropriate curiosuty. Someone is showing him these actions and the kid is obviously obsessed with it. And because your child told you so much, I'm willing to bet there was even more going on. Love your child, mom, and don't make him see this friend ever again. 
-coming from someone who was abused, twice, by my brother's friends as a kid. 
[/quote]

This, OP, this.

You also asked about whether to wait to tell the mom once the dad is home. You fear causing her stress. Please do NOT wait to tell her; it will only raise the question with her and her husband of "Why did you wait so long if this really did happen--?" Tell her and don't mince words. And I worry that you will tell her and couch everything with, "Well, maybe this is just normal play but..." or "This might just be curiosity and I don't want to blow it out of proportion" etc. Please don't hedge your words like that. You know that what was going on was beyond normal curiosity. In fact, you might need to tell her directly that you believe her son has been abused somewhere, by someone, or he would not have picked up these specific and fixed ideas.

The fact that Alex did these approaches to your son not just once but over and over, repeatedly, is a strong indication that his mind is inordinately full of these behaviors. He was [i]pursuing[/i] your son to act out this behavior. Huge red flag that he is being abused or possibly witnessing another kid being abused. The mom is very possibly going to deny any possibility of that, say that son is never without her around or she trusts their sitters/relatives/teachers, etc. Be prepared for that kind of reaction. Be prepared for her possibly to go off on you in huge anger and denial or to blame your own son. If you are prepared for such reactions you will be able to avoid backtracking or saying, "Well, maybe I overreacted" etc. Don't backtrack.

I also worry a bit about your post that noted that you really enjoy this family's company. I hope you won't continue to put your son anywhere remotely near Alex or any other kids from his family, out of some sense that you can help them if you let the kids have "normal" friendships, etc. And although this mom is stressed and coping without her husband present, please don't let any ideas of trying to help her out let you put your son into any contact with Alex -- even supervised contact where you are right in the room. Just seeing Alex willl keep this fresh in your son's mind. It's hard to think of cutting off this family but you really need to do so. If the mom wants to see you, solo, as a friend, no kids present, and you can help her navigate getting help for her son somehow, that's one thing. But your son should not see Alex any more under any circumstances.

Trust your gut. [/quote]

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