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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  We have him on a points system where he can earn rewards.  Just last night we took him to a store to buy some craft thing that he wanted and had earned with his points.  That's what is so frustrating.  Today we take him somewhere and he's pissed because we won't buy him what he wants.  Well we just bought him something yesterday.  He is never satisfied and totally disregards what we just did for him.  The points system can be so frustrating because he can be a total jerk but doesn't lose points that he has earned because that's what his therapist tells us.  So frustrating because as parents we give him our all and get little in return.  I know parents shouldn't expect much, but it's very lopsided in this case and often makes us feel defeated.[/quote]

OP- I really like the idea of pocket money. At our house, my DS craves independence but is highly immature due to ADHD and social pragmatics. He can be defiant and inflexible. 
Pocket money gives him a sense of control and it's tangible because I make him pay at the register. Right now, I think your DS sees "you" as the obstacle between himself and what he wants- and he may see the rules as arbitrary, especially with ODD. An allowance (no strings- just a bit of spending money for being part of the family) may help him control himself and mature a bit when he realizes that things cost money. 
As for being ungrateful, I know with ADHD it's a very much "in the moment" condition. It's nothing for my son to be overjoyed about what I do for him in one moment, then turn around the next and be angry because he wants something else. Appreciation and big picture thinking are not there (yet) because of the impulsivity and difficulty delaying gratification. I know it's hard- I see how mature DS's peers are in comparison and it makes me weary. 
As for the therapist, I have two thoughts-- first, you cannot fight battles on all fronts. If there is a point system for doing well for a particular task, don't take the points for something else. You'll be fighting all kinds of battles and getting nowhere. Second, whatever method you use be consistent and ready for some fall out until things are well established. For instance, if you use pocket money, don't supplement it, unless it's by advance agreement (e.g. agree in advance that your son will pay for half of something). 
Good luck. [/quote]

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