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[quote=Anonymous]IMO you are going to have to set the bar way lower for it to be met.  I'm talking card with a personal message and a gift that isn't stuff I.e. making a special home cooked meal, it could be streak on the grill,  or taking you out to a movie you want to see and he could care less.  Since you said that he grew up poor and didn't exchange lots of gifts ,money is tight for you now and you have been married 16 years, trying to go all Amazon Wishlist isn't going to help.

I think a PP hit the nail on the head about fear of not being able to provide consistently.  Also, it can take him back to memories of not having much to exhange as kids.  I also think it is tough to really be creative with material things on a budget unless you are naturally creative. Experiences can be the way to go.  If  I only have $40 to spend, there is going to be a lot that I can't afford that you want.  I can maybe get something exactly what you want but likely you would have to tell me exactly what you want in which case you could really get it for yourself assuming we have the money.  When someone says , what did you do for your birthday, you will say, oh I got this watch, knitting set, coffee mug and books ...whatever material thing that cost $40 or less.  And you would have had to nag the crap out of DH for him to get it.  I imagine like the girl in Willy Wonks Veruca Salt.  Now a thoughtful experience like he made your favorite meal or he took you out to a RomCom movie you really wanted to see while the kids were in school or he helped with a babysitting swap so he could take you out to a play put on at the college.  Those romantic, thoughtful, tailored to you, inexpensive experiences that you can't easily do by yourself and get you spending more time with him ...maybe you can sway him. Also since the experience itself is something in the price range, there isn't this focus on what he isn't able to buy, like when you walk all the way thru the store to get to the mark downs or know you can only look at X store to afford the gifts. I also think you have higher moral ground asking for his time and something where he spends time with you doing something you enjoy than saying buy me stuff to show you care.[/quote]

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