Reply to DH butthurt over everything

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[quote=Anonymous]The real problem here is not whether or not it is down for him to feel hurt or valid for you to feel hurt. The real problem is that you were setting up Falls equivalencies. Instead of deciding that he is not allowed to be mad about something because he didn't do a different thing that you wanted him to do, decide that going forward if he is mad about  The real problem here is not whether or not it is down for him to feel hurt or valid for you to feel hurt. The real problem is that you were setting up Falls equivalencies. Instead of deciding that he is not allowed to be mad about something because he didn't do a different thing that you wanted him to do, decide that going forward if he is mad about something (Such as you preparing his breakfast in correctly), then you simply decide whether or not you were willing to change how you handle that particular subject in the future to please him or whether  he is asking for something you are not willing to provide. There is really not an objective universal standard for whether or not preparing breakfast a specific way or any of the other things you mentioned is reasonable or demanding.  There is only the dynamic of your individual and unique relationship.

So, in the future, if you want X, first ask yourself whether X seems to you to be a reasonable request of a partner, and if so ask your husband politely and explicitly to do/provide X. "It would really help me to relax and focus on the baby if you would pick up some ice cream at the store.  I have been craving it all day."

If he is demanding Y, ask yourself whether that is something that you, personally and individually, are willing to provide in a relationship.  If so, you can discuss the way he is asking if you feel that he is being too demanding, or you can let it go (err on the side of the latter).  If you are not willing to do/provide what he is asking for, then tell him so.  "I am happy to make you breakfast, but I am going to make it the way I usually cook it for myself.  If you would prefer something different then I can leave it to you to make your own next time."[/quote]

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