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[quote=Anonymous]I wouldn't go the fake letter route. While not being insensitive, he may just be a little obtuse and the letter is too much extra. What I'd do:

DH needs to say 'o cool Dad, you are staying at aunt Pollys... is she ok with you both staying there? I mean, that must be hard on her, being her sister and all that passed...' when he says 'yep, she's fine- she's excited about the visit!' He can then look unsure and suggest to his dad that he double check because the last time he talked to aunt Polly she sounded like she was having a hard time with memories resurfacing....

Then aunt Polly HAS TO BE HONEST if he asks... it doesn't help to set up helping the situation for her to back down and say nothing.

I have experience with this- my dad remarried after our mum passed and asked some random ass brother of his new wife to be best man. My adult 40 yr old brother was SO HURT. I'd never have guessed he cared but he was so mad.

So I said to my dad a few weeks later "Is (brother) your best man- I bet he's so thrilled" and he said 'no-one of (new wife's brothers)' and I just kinda fake paused... sputtered and said ummm is (brother ok with that) and he said "of course- he's not sensitive that way!" and I said "well you may want to ask him..." next thing I knew my brother was his best man.[/quote]

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