Anonymous wrote:Dear Joe, I am so excited to meet Mary and see you, but I'm still grieving the loss of my sister and would be most comfortable if you stayed at a hotel for this visit. My sincere apologies for the inconvience. I am very happy that you found someone who loves you and to spend the rest of your life with, but please understand the loss is still very painful for me.

I agree- nice way of saying it.

Or, could you just say to you dad: Dad, don't be an insensitive dolt.

I wouldn't go the fake letter route. While not being insensitive, he may just be a little obtuse and the letter is too much extra. What I'd do:

DH needs to say 'o cool Dad, you are staying at aunt Pollys... is she ok with you both staying there? I mean, that must be hard on her, being her sister and all that passed...' when he says 'yep, she's fine- she's excited about the visit!' He can then look unsure and suggest to his dad that he double check because the last time he talked to aunt Polly she sounded like she was having a hard time with memories resurfacing....

Then aunt Polly HAS TO BE HONEST if he asks... it doesn't help to set up helping the situation for her to back down and say nothing.

I have experience with this- my dad remarried after our mum passed and asked some random ass brother of his new wife to be best man. My adult 40 yr old brother was SO HURT. I'd never have guessed he cared but he was so mad.

So I said to my dad a few weeks later "Is (brother) your best man- I bet he's so thrilled" and he said 'no-one of (new wife's brothers)' and I just kinda fake paused... sputtered and said ummm is (brother ok with that) and he said "of course- he's not sensitive that way!" and I said "well you may want to ask him..." next thing I knew my brother was his best man.

Dear Bob, I'm so looking forward to seeing you and Mary next month. While I am unable to host you, I would love to plan to have you over for dinner a couple of times so please let me know if Mary has any allergies or food preferences I can plan for. Also, I thought you might want recommendations for nearby hotels, so here are 2 I really like. I thought maybe we could look into what's playing at .... or I'd be happy to research other things you might want to do while you're here. Let me know if any of these sound interesting and I'll get more information..."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you suggest a hotel to your dad?

Also confused by pronouns. Op, have your dad suggest to his dad to get a hotel out of consideration to his sis in law.

Husband! Not dad. I give up.

This is off-topic, but this made me laugh out loud (which not even the lightly fried tuna thread did).

Agree with the PP on having your DH call his father and suggest staying at a hotel.