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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. I am writing from my crappy phone in between work and kids, so I may have a few mistakes in my post and I'm also trying to refer to people I use names with regularly as pronouns. Yeesh. But thank you to the people with firsthand experience with this - I'm learning from you and taking it all in.

I think there's a really large space between telling and not telling. Somewhere in that space is encouraging my brother to do what's right, gently or firmly. Brother knows that I am involved with his child and welcomes an occasional update/thanks me. I don't have older kids, bit,from what I've seen, being able to frame something like this rather than it coming from an unexpected source, can minimize the fallout. Daddy wasn't a liar and a cheater, Daddy made a mistake and is not perfect, but he told us and is trying to move forward in rectifying it. IDK. Perhaps that is idealistic and naive of me. I don't think I suggested that I'd outright tell the kids anywhere in my post...some people sort of jumped to extremes. I'm just not sure that it's my job to protect them from it now that they are of a certain age, either.  So when my nephew calls us Aunt/Uncle such and such in a FB post and tags us together in a photo, I'm not really sure I should be limiting the people who see it to intentionally exclude brother's kids. That's above and beyond at this point, I think.

For those who say it's not my business... OK but I have ethical issues with not telling MY kids the truth or telling them the truth if/when they ask and explaining that it's a secret they should keep (because of it's not my truth, it's also not my secret). I don't intend to pass those types of values to them. I also take issue with not being able to invite him and brother's kids to major family events, such as baptisms, our vow renewal in October and future celebrations like quinces. It hurts our relationship (he has expressed that) so that's where "myob" gets fuzzy. Also, we are the one couple/family involved (although lots of people are aware of him) , so I'm sure his kids will feel like I am just as guilty when it eventually comes out, which could cause a rift between my kids and their cousins.

OK. I hope this clarifies my angle. We all make mistakes and I'm not high and mighty or nosy. This is in my life - I didn't seek it out- and involves two people I genuinely love and I'd like to do the right thing. That's all. [/quote]

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