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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd let your DH handle this pretty much 100%.  You can be supportive when he does make plans with her by helping him get the kids there.  Other than that, I'd take some huge steps back and let this fall as it will.  If your DH wants to see her, he'll figure it out.  If he doesn't care, or she doesn't care, then everyone can go about their lives.[/quote]

I get what you are saying, and typically DH does make the plans, but 90% of the work isn't making the plans.  It's getting things packed, driving out there with the kids (IL's live about three hours from my parents, so even when we were out visiting them, we still had to rent a car and drive several hours), all to get there and have her not be home and not available to see us.  Or to call and cancel plans for breakfast after I already got the kids to bed in a cramped hotel room near their house. I took over and called the boyfriend because I thought maybe DH and his mom were just bad at communicating their plans.  And then he accused me of never coming out to visit.  Which kind of makes me wonder of she ever told him that we come and she cancels.  
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So your DH isn't handling it.  If she flakes out last minute, start asking him to confirm a week out, and a day out.  After one more last minute cancellation, I think I'd stop putting any effort into seeing her at all.  She can come to you, but that's it.  If she asks why, feel free to point out all the times she's flaked out on you.  Better yet, have your DH have this conversation with her.  No way in hell I'm packing up my kids to drive 3 hours and then get cancelled on unless it was an emergency.  If this happens routinely, I'd stop making any effort to see her and I'd explain why. [/quote]

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