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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd let your DH handle this pretty much 100%.  You can be supportive when he does make plans with her by helping him get the kids there.  Other than that, I'd take some huge steps back and let this fall as it will.  If your DH wants to see her, he'll figure it out.  If he doesn't care, or she doesn't care, then everyone can go about their lives.[/quote]

I get what you are saying, and typically DH does make the plans, but 90% of the work isn't making the plans.  It's getting things packed, driving out there with the kids (IL's live about three hours from my parents, so even when we were out visiting them, we still had to rent a car and drive several hours), all to get there and have her not be home and not available to see us.  Or to call and cancel plans for breakfast after I already got the kids to bed in a cramped hotel room near their house. I took over and called the boyfriend because I thought maybe DH and his mom were just bad at communicating their plans.  [b]And then he accused me of never coming out to visit.  [/b][b]Which kind of makes me wonder of she ever told him that we come and she cancels.  [/b]
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She probably doesn't tell the boyfriend the whole truth and he probably doesn't know the efforts you have made over the years. Who knows why.  There could be all sorts of reasons. My MIL always spins the truth (or omits it entirely) because others' perception of her is more important to her than reality.  It's far easier to blame others for situations instead of admitting the truth (which is that she is the flaky and uninterested one).  Bottom line is that I would not make any further efforts with this woman unless something changes.  Send a card for the wedding, leave it open for a visit if they want one, and be done.  Not sure how old your kids are but at some point, they will catch on to all of this, and I'm not sure I'd want to continue to put my kids through that kind of disappointment when Grandma changes plans or doesn't show up. [/quote]

Good plan.  Thanks.  And it doesn't bother my kids that much, but it kills my husband when his mom does this.  I guess in my mind, my making an effort to visit his mom is something that I am doing to make him happy, but it really doesn't.   I should just let it go.  [/quote]

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