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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Putting aside the issues with your brother for a moment, how is this going to work if in a few years or longer the mother decides she wants to be involved in the child's life? The mother is family and you still keep in touch with her.  The child will have biological siblings - what does that mean for any of your future children in terms of their relationship with this child? The grandmother may want to be involved as a grandparent - how will your parents feel about that?  Are you going to be able to truly raise this child as your own without the family members feeling like they have a right or a say in the decisions you make?  If you are open to all of this, then no worries.  It just seems like another possible issue that may make the whole situation even messier.

As for your brother, would he even want to adopt that baby?  Assuming he does, I understand the conflicted feelings.  It's probably safe to assume he and/or your SIL will be hurt, especially if they have been on this path for a while.  When dealing with infertility, it can be hard not to take every pregnancy or adoption announcement personally, even though it's not personal.  Except in this case, it kind of is personal for them because your family member wants you and not your brother and SIL to have the baby.  So, if you really want this, and you know he would adopt the baby if given the chance, you should probably speak with him personally about the opportunity that was presented to you and that you understand if they feel hurt, but that you hope it doesn't cause a rift.  They may need space after hearing the news, so be prepared for that, too.[/quote]

Our game plan with this would to discuss an open adoption where my aunt and uncle would still be grandparents and my cousin could be in the picture, with some boundaries. We would always want the baby to know who her real mother is. It's goin[b]to be a little dysfunctional,[/b]g  but I think it would be better than the baby be given a someone random. My cousin just found a random family on the Internet, she's not even going through an agency. She went this route because she's fearful of judgement from the family.

I should add the my brother and SIL have legal guardianship of my SIL's brother's child. [/quote]

Jesus, ya think? [/quote]

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