Reply to Sticky situation, need help!

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Sticky situation, need help!"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Putting aside the issues with your brother for a moment, how is this going to work if in a few years or longer the mother decides she wants to be involved in the child's life? The mother is family and you still keep in touch with her.  The child will have biological siblings - what does that mean for any of your future children in terms of their relationship with this child? The grandmother may want to be involved as a grandparent - how will your parents feel about that?  Are you going to be able to truly raise this child as your own without the family members feeling like they have a right or a say in the decisions you make?  If you are open to all of this, then no worries.  It just seems like another possible issue that may make the whole situation even messier.

As for your brother, would he even want to adopt that baby?  Assuming he does, I understand the conflicted feelings.  It's probably safe to assume he and/or your SIL will be hurt, especially if they have been on this path for a while.  When dealing with infertility, it can be hard not to take every pregnancy or adoption announcement personally, even though it's not personal.  Except in this case, it kind of is personal for them because your family member wants you and not your brother and SIL to have the baby.  So, if you really want this, and you know he would adopt the baby if given the chance, you should probably speak with him personally about the opportunity that was presented to you and that you understand if they feel hurt, but that you hope it doesn't cause a rift.  They may need space after hearing the news, so be prepared for that, too.[/quote]

NP here.  We have a close family friend that adopted a child of a sibling...it was a little bit unusual in that no one (including the adopted daughter) knew until they were much older, but these things can work.  She refers to her bio-siblings whom she met later in life as her sister and brother.  I do think it's important to establish a lot of how family will be involved and who will know what when early on, though.

As for the hurt feelings part of it, it's a child not a used car or something.  The bio-mom gets to decide who she wants to adopt her baby.  There may be benefits to keeping the adoption within the family (or not).  A counselor should be able to help with this decision...but I don't think OP and her brother get the call dibs on the baby based on their own experience.  It has to be what the mom wants.  And if OP really wants to adopt the baby and the mom feels that's the best thing for her child, it would be really sad if the brother's hurt feelings prevented that.

I went through many years of IF, but I still do understand that kids and families are complicated.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics