Reply to New baby and in-laws (venting)

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[quote=Anonymous]Just lay it out on the table with them and tell them exactly what you want. You are the new mom and you get to decide.

I had a very similar experience with my MIL and actually ended up kicking her out of the house. She was well meaning but she caused me extreme stress and anxiety at a time I really didn't need it. I was desperate for some help and ended up just hiring a college age babysitter for a few hours a week. Best decision ever. MIL was making it all about her instead of helping me, and she had to go.

It's hard for people to understand what it is like to desperately need help, but be stuck with somebody who causes you more stress instead of helping.

I did not totally cut out MIL - after several weeks she started coming by again and we would visit her. I just needed those first weeks to be about me, and for that I don't apologize one bit.

The happy ending is that now MIL is a huge help and my 3 yr old adores her and we are happy to see her whenever she wants. This is the results of me setting boundaries -- reasonsble boundaries that never shut her out completely.

People who don't see why a new mom would prefer her own mother to help, or think it is some kind of competition, or create drama, need to be shut down. Be strong, be reasonable! Tell them they can come by once a week for 2 hrs (with SIL to get it all over with).[/quote]

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