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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]From the beginning, my dad told her not to help us.  He eventually came to see her, ignored my kids as usual, was furious when she wouldn't come home, and he refused to come to the hospital to see us.[/quote]

OP, I just wanted to reach out and say how hard this must have been.  I have been there.  If anything, your situation brought the dynamic between your mom and dad sharply into focus – namely, that he is very possessive of her and is used to her always being there to take care of him.  My father was like this, and often jealous of anyone who took time from my mom – who is very nurturing – away from him.

I remember going to visit my parents once with my baby daughter and I stayed up late watching a movie with my mom in the living room which I hadn't done in years.  We were laughing and having fun and he came downstairs and grumpily told my mother to come up with him to go to bed.  And she went.  I was flabbergasted because I had not been home in their environs for a long time (when they cane to visit us he didn't act up as much).  One morning, I poured my father some coffee while my mom was in the laundry room and asked him how he took his coffee.  Turned out he had no idea – she always made it for him.  He also was very grumpy about grandchildren.  In his mind, he had raised a kid and didn't want to be around any more, even though we never asked him to lift a finger with the children when he was around.  Some people are just very selfish and self-centered.  And they can't empathize, even when you have a sick child.  To them, it's just not their problem.

It hurts, I know.[/quote]

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