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[quote=Anonymous]Op here and to the posters saying how my own mom's views on food are messed up, believe me, I know. She's scary at an all you can eat buffet, I watch her eat with fear-and she's only 120lbs. I only mentioned that to highlight how different my environment was in comparison to my MIL's. And so it's very hard for me to decipher or understand my inlaws when it comes to food.

I'm also hopelessly dense in these types of situations where people don't say what they mean or say the opposite of they mean.  Again, I grew up in an environment where everyone said exactly what they meant, and often that meant saying things with no filter, tact, or manners, at least within the family. I'm in awe and am envious of the posters who seem to just be able to automatically pick up what my inlaws meant by my post.

I never knew with my inlaws whether I was forcing food down their throats that they didn't want to eat but ate it anyway just to be polite... Or whether they were secretly starving and afraid to ask for food and all the while thinking how horrid of a host I was. Maybe it's not my problem, but nevertheless it made me frustrated to never know one way or the other.

When I ask them if they want lunch, they say "no we're fine, we don't eat much, we don't usually eat lunch or breakfast". But at their house it's totally the opposite. They make eggs, sausage, a fruit salad, and pancakes for breakfast. And then make wraps, various heated up leftovers, more fruit for lunch. I'm the afternoon they are constantly offering us snacks. And then dinner, they either treat us out to a restaurant where they order 5 appetizers on top of our entrees, and then we go back home where they pull out 2 pies, 2 cakes, 3 varieties of ice cream, 5 varieties of homemade cookies, and coffee, OR they cook a similar elaborate 4 course meal.

But what the pps said makes sense to me and I'm thankful for that perspective and also the helpful suggestions. I think it's a combination of them wanting to be polite and not put me out, and also harboring some kind of shame tied to eating. It's hard for me to get that.[/quote]

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