Reply to Whats the deal with my inlaws and food?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow. Op here and thanks for the enlightening responses. The wash post article was a very interesting read.

It honestly never would have occurred to me that "you eat like a bird" would have been meant as a compliment.  In my house growing up, and in my circles, it would have been the ultimate insult, as eating well and having a good appetite was seen as a desirable trait. My mom almost solely judges people by how well they eat: if they are not picky and eat well, they are a good person.

I guess then, along the same lines that when they constantly talk about how little they eat, or eat only once a day, they must think they are bragging in a way.  But when I hear it, I hear them telling me how poor their eating habits are, and how they describe their eating habits are so far from reality.

It's so annoying though to deal with it constantly. I feel like I'm harassed at meals. Even if I say, don't worry, I can help myself, mil doesn't stop pushing food on me.  WAIT. So does that maybe mean that she expects or wants me to push food on her?  So when I ask if she's hungry and she says no, am I supposed to keep pushing food on her?  So when we host them for meals, does she expect or want me to keep bringing dishes to her like she does to me?  I don't push food on people- I offer once and let it go if refused, or I lay out food and let people eat however much they want. There have been times that my mil has stayed at our house all day, like for 7-8 hours, and not eaten anything because she turned down lunch. I'm someone who can't go more than 4hrs without eating.

Ugh so confusing. Help me understand. [/quote]

[b]Your mom almost solely judging people on how well they eat is every bit as messed up as your MIL's views on food.[/b][/quote]

WRONG.  And harsh.  Some people have a healthy relationship with food, are a healthy weight, and take care of themselves.

The extreme of focusing on food too much *OR* too little is a serious problem.  Weighing yourself all the time, being sure to see how little you can eat, or how much you can eat, among other eating traits - yes, those are problems.

My family celebrates with food as part of the celebration.  It is not only done in a healthy way, but we have traditions and culture we are proud of, for generations to come.  There are no negative connotations, because we handle it in a healthy manner.  It can be done.

MIL not buying or supplying enough food, but inviting more and more people - that's a problem.  We have taken it upon ourselves to try to fill the gaps as best we can, and bring more and more food, so we don't all end up meeting each other at McDonalds (only place that seems open on major holidays, unfortunately) after dinner. That absolutely sucks.  PP here. [/quote]

Nope, sorry. Some people truly are very thin and don't eat as much as others by nature. And judging someone "almost solely by what they eat" is unhealthy and absurd. If you notice what someone else eats or weighs, and observe them that closely, you have issues.[/quote]

PP here.  I don't judge someone "solely on what they eat".  I think you are either hypersensitive about food, or misinterpreting what I said.  I also don't "observe anyone that closely".  Where did you get that idea? Again, it seems you are either hypersensitive about food, or misinterpreting what I said.

I get it, some people have food aversions and other food issues.  It is nothing to be ashamed of.

I happen to be thin, so is my family.  Dh's family is not fat, but I don't know that one would call them thin.

Do you realize that some people have control issues, and this interferes with how they view food? That is a very important aspect of eating disorders.

I suppose because my ILs (in my case) are on the judgmental side, to begin with, their not providing enough food, yet inviting more and more people (and keeping the food amount the same as if half the amount of people) is especially obvious.  Not just to me, but to everyone invited.  But I understand that you want to make this about me, somehow.

I think that inviting people, only to have them run into each other at McDonald's immediately after the holiday meal, is depressing, in and of itself.  Do you think that is normal?

Yes, people are different.  Accepting that some people eat more than others is part of that.  It is part of being a grown up - experiencing differences, and not taking them as a personal affront.  [/quote]

Read. I responded to a comment by OP. You responded to my comment. I clarified my stance.[/quote]

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