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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Would you "suck it up" and go see her? I really don't see subjecting myself to her abusive behavior, just because DH does it (she is nasty to him, also. MIL has put the idea in DH's head that I want to be "catered to". Which is funny, if you know me at all. I don't want a single thing from her. It would be nice if she respected herself enough to respect others, but she does not and will not.

Yes, I would go. I don't really care that much what other people think and so her attempts to be nasty would not have much of an emotional effect on me. If it would mean a lot to my husband, I'd do it. I'm pretty good at being assertive without being combative.

OP here. I really appreciate most of the PPs who understand this, and have added input, thank you. I am assertive, that is the problem. Anything I say, especially if it is not stroking MIL, is "wrong", or worse. They are not a communicative family, so just about anything I say is considered "combative", easily. You get along to go along, even if what the ILs (MIL in particular,) say or do is the most horrible thing you have ever heard. In addition, DH's brother is not married (nor does he intend to be). The sister is married, and anything her husband says is the law, in MILs eyes. Some might say MIL is rather misogynistic, narcissistic, depressed.......attributes that are out of my realm.....

I also don't care much what others think. Except that we don't choose our family, and DH has so many unresolved issues with them (he is afraid of them). DH absolutely cares what others think, especially his abusive family, sadly. Traditionally, I would say it's no big deal, I'll just go - but then I notice how awkward the whole thing is, and I'm not normally awkward about anything. The whole environment is really negative and "off"; and MIL never ceases to amaze me with her insults (sometimes flanged at me, sometimes other people, but you can always depend on it). But then again, I think the element of surprise is not lost on her. [/quote]

Ok, sounds like you have thought this through and made a choice that you think is right for yourself.  Good luck.  [/quote]

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