Reply to Emotional Labor - a good read for men AND women

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Being with a woman is sometimes like being with someone that has OCD and the person with OCD getting mad at you because you don't participate in their rituals.[/quote]

Speaking as a woman who is incredibly far from OCD I think you are doing the classic maneuver of picking one piece of refuting data to counteract the entire point. I also think it misses the point that for many women we - and our families - get penalized for not doing these things *even if WE don't care.*

In terms of providing emotional labor, it can be hard to just 'let it go' because the natural consequence of that often hurts a 3rd party, and if you care about that 3rd party it's hard to let that happen. My DH can be impossible to reach, so my ILs call me.  I can, and often do, just punt that back into 'call your son' but there's only so far I'm willing to tow that line because *I love my ILs too.* Same thing happens with the children - do I wish my husband would do more of the work in mentally managing things for them? Of course. But unfortunately the natural consequences from that don't just impact my husband, they impact my kids as well (for example not getting medical care they need in a timely fashion), and I'm not willing to make them pay that price.

I think you also missed the point of the thread (or didn't read it) that their are still costs involved even when we don't play the game.  So I can try and force my ILs to deal directly with my husband and punt the calls, but that is still taking time / mental energy out of my day.  Obviously not a huge time suck for that one issue, but that is simply one example out of so many and added all together it really adds up.

I also think that the original article was truly talking about emotional labor but that the thread moved on into the broader sphere of roles women typically play, and that muddies the waters.  Personally I would split it into 3 related but distinct categories of labor:
1. Emotional labor - maintaining social relationships and providing emotional caring / support
2. Managerial labor - the mental management aspect of running a life and family
3. Domestic labor - the physical grunt work of accomplishing tasks generated from 1 and 2.[/quote]

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