Reply to Doing for your kids vs. Kids doing for themselves

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[quote=Anonymous]I think I fall somewhere in the middle. My kids are 17 and 12.  I expect them to help out when asked and to pick up after themselves. My 12 year old needs constant reminding of this. My 17 year old is quite good about it and rarely needs asking. I'm actually quite pleased with my older kid--I think he could live on his own pretty successfully.

Mostly my approach has been not to put myself out too much as my kids become teens. So, I'm happy to do laundry if I'm doing it anyway, but if you need that shirt tomorrow, you'll have to do it yourself. Let me show you how, then you'll know how to do it next time. (Since you're doing laundry, can you wash this other stuff as well?) I'm happy to pick up something at the store if I'm going, but if not, you can walk or ride your bike to the drugstore and get your preferred shampoo. (While you're there, please buy x, y, and z as well, here's some money.) (Obviously this works only if the item is sold within safe walking or biking distance.) if I'm cooking myself something for lunch on Saturday, I'm happy to cook for you, too, but if not, make your own egg sandwich or tuna or whatever. (Since you're up, can you make enough for me? Lol.) Over time, it's a slow shift from doing everything to getting them to do for themselves, and some for me/others as well.

I frequently ask my kids to run the vacuum, take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, start dinner, change the sheets. One of them walks the dog every afternoon. If it means I have to go out of my way, and it's within biking or easy public transit distance, my older child takes public transit or rides his bike whenever possible.

My DH has a more generous definition of what's convenient for him, and I think tends to do too much for the kids. I am the furthest thing from a martyr, so I frequently balk at doing what I feel is more than fair and I have no trouble telling the kids (or DH) when I feel like I have too much on my plate.

Where we are not as good is with general cleaning--dishes, bathroom. I'm working on that.[/quote]

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