Reply to Would this bother you re: infertility and IL behavior

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm of the school of thought that sh$$ happens to people all the time and as they say it is how you deal with things.  If SIL could not find it within her to acknowledge the existence of your child until she had one of her own, I think that says something about how she deals with things..  She doesn't have the strength to see outside of her own pain to even do the basic niceties.  And you know what, that's okay.  Maybe it took everything she had to put one foot in front of the other and keep her marriage together.  But if I am going to be sympathetic with how she dealt with her hurt, I am also going to do the same and say you have the right to handle your hurt the best way you can - realizing you can't change the past or how she was with you, only the choices you make and how you go forward with her.

Since this is your DH's sister, I would let him handle that relationship.  If he opts to be truthful and address the elephant in the room that he was hurt that she didn't acknowledge her niece prior that is on him.  if he chooses to gloss over it and pretend it didn't happen and start sending his new nephew or niece birthday and holiday presents, that's on him to get the gifts. if he truly decides to forgive that it was hurtful without any acknowledgment or conversation - again that's his choice.  My bottom line with DH's family is that he handles the issues with his family.  I will only get involved when it involves me directly (like if we ever had an issue like the ones where inlaws expect everyone to jump thru hoops and use limited time and money to see them while they never see us) or if I feel like it puts unrealistic pressure on our kids like to be in a house for hours wth nothing to do and expect them to sit still and do nothing - I would bring toys/ electronics/think of activities to do.  I think DH is in a better position to decide if in the history of the relationship this is one disappointed and shouldn't be the one defining moment  or if it is one more things in a long history.  Even if it is one more thing, he can decide if he thinks it is worth putting in the effort knowing he won't get a similar effort back but can still have some relationship with the sister, his niece/nephew, and for the kids and their first cousins.  He can also decide that it isn't worth the effort if this is a pattern with the sister.
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