Reply to Advice needed about inlaw relationship - looking to change me, not them

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op I have nothing to add but just echo that you need to let your husband lead 100% on this.
I am in year 2 of this and still struggling with the resentfulness and bitterness (example: having to listen to DH in the next room on Skype explain for the 10,000 th time that we will not be bringing the kids to their 2nd vacation home ever and to not invite the kids, they are 2 and 4 and don't understand) but have focused on gritting my teeth and trying to feel bad for my husband for what a difficult person he has for a mother.
I do absolutely nothing. He manages all the communication, visits, everything. The only "rule" we agreed on is that if she goes after me verbally to him, he has to say "if you have a problem with DW, please contact her directly" after a 2 hour rant he listened to last summer and was upset about for months before telling me.
You just have to stay the course and keep your husband informed of what you are doing.
[/quote]

Even though he manages everything, do you still go on the visits? Does that work for your? What if you had a situation where you had limited vacation time so any time spent visiting ILs was time you couldn't be relaxing or doing a family vacation you might actually enjoy?[/quote]

Pp here.
His vacation time is limited as are our finances so we don't visit them. (Another huge bone of contention: they moved to a remote location that would cost us over $3k just in airfare, they are not set up to accommodate a baby and 2 toddlers (it's a 1 bedroom) so we would have to get a car and hotel, and we have never nor likely will never be in a position to spend 5-6k on a vacation). 
We do our family vacations within driving distance and keep it under $1k (I know, the horror) and they visit us twice a year. 
No they would never think to pay for plane tickets.
If we had the means to go visit them we would probably go once every few years, like you said it would be too much for me to spend what is a huge amount of money on something I would be miserable at, and spend all that vacation time as well.
Luckily we are poor?! And don't have to consider that.[/quote]

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