Reply to Advice needed about inlaw relationship - looking to change me, not them

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op ~ your feelings aren't paramount. Are they as cordial and as polite to you as they would be to a neighbor? A stranger? They don't owe you anything. Get your emotional needs met somewhere else.[/quote]

[b]This seems harsh. In-laws shouldn't and usually don't treat their DILs like neighbors or strangers.[/b] [/quote]

NP here.  The top PP sounds like something my MIL would say - she is very cold and obnoxious.

OP, you should be treated like family, because that is what you are.  Nothing your IL's do or say will change that you are family.  In fact, many women I know won't divorce because they won't give their evil MIL's the satisfaction (especially since, truth be told, the MILs won't be around much longer).

You have to be civil, but that is all.  You treat them as they treat you.  Minimize contact with them, and let DH do the communicating (as PP mentioned).  After all, DH has been (trying to) communicate with them his whole life - now he HAS to!  You don't deserve mean spirited, toxic people; so don't involve mean spirited, toxic people.

You owe toxic people nothing - and if they are family (as your ILs are) - they should be reaching out to you - there are many more of them than you, and they know their dynamics better than anyone.

In my case, the ILs are not warm or welcoming, unless there are strangers present.  So, I have learned not to bother with them unless.  Theya re very preoccupied with public perception.  If your ILs are similar, use it to your advantage.  GL.  [/quote]

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