Reply to What Should I Do If My Boyfriend Hurts Me by Lying & Breaking Promises?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You had a miscarriage and your BOYFRIEND is out with his friends living it up and having a good time while you cry?

Ridiculous.  You two should be having serious discussions about your future together, and either planning a wedding, or seeing this as a wake-up call and breaking up.

You were pregnant, OP.  You brought a baby into the world with this guy.  I'm so sorry you lost that child, but now it's time to really think about whether you want a family with him.  If not, move on.  I think his behavior shows he's not ready, personally.  If he wanted that child (and you), he'd be mourning with you, not out playing with the boys.[/quote]

+100000000

his reaction shows he is not ready, and is not serious about you.

you are wasting your time, literally and figuratively.

a miscarriage is horrible, I was in a very similar situation as you, with someone with similar habits. I didn't care about the lateness as I am a partier myself and hate leaving a good party or soulful night out with friends, but I did not like the fact he didn't value me enough to give me a straight answer about schedules or when to do something together.

post miscarriage, it also occurred to me that I had literally been given a major out. the guy had shown me his character, and I needed to find someone who would react to the situation like a father, not like an immature imbecile. because while I couldn't talk about it, I reacted to it like a mother. I had all of these feeling I was not prepared for, and was sad privately for a few months. but those feelings were a great reality check for me, and I found a better job, got in shape, prepared for a big move, and was closing down the relationship. I never had the big talk with him, bc I didn't need to. I ramped down our relationship, went out with friends, focused on other things, and then broke up with him on my terms.

it  was hard but worth it. and then...months later, as I was preparing to move to a different part of the country,  he showed up at my door with a ring. I still grapple with my response. because suprise suprise, the situation you describe still happens multiple times a week, and my children watch the fights that ensue.

we have two beautiful kids but he is still so immature in so many ways. my life is way more stressful than it needs to be, and I am a single mother in many ways. can't count on him, he doesn't support us, doesn't protect us from crazy relatives, etc.

however, at the end of the day, this is not that uncommon a situation.

if you pursue the relationship, be honest with yourself about your expectations. he has shown you who he is. [/quote]

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