Anonymous wrote:You had a miscarriage and your BOYFRIEND is out with his friends living it up and having a good time while you cry?

Ridiculous. You two should be having serious discussions about your future together, and either planning a wedding, or seeing this as a wake-up call and breaking up.

You were pregnant, OP. You brought a baby into the world with this guy. I'm so sorry you lost that child, but now it's time to really think about whether you want a family with him. If not, move on. I think his behavior shows he's not ready, personally. If he wanted that child (and you), he'd be mourning with you, not out playing with the boys.

+100000000

his reaction shows he is not ready, and is not serious about you.

you are wasting your time, literally and figuratively.

a miscarriage is horrible, I was in a very similar situation as you, with someone with similar habits. I didn't care about the lateness as I am a partier myself and hate leaving a good party or soulful night out with friends, but I did not like the fact he didn't value me enough to give me a straight answer about schedules or when to do something together.

post miscarriage, it also occurred to me that I had literally been given a major out. the guy had shown me his character, and I needed to find someone who would react to the situation like a father, not like an immature imbecile. because while I couldn't talk about it, I reacted to it like a mother. I had all of these feeling I was not prepared for, and was sad privately for a few months. but those feelings were a great reality check for me, and I found a better job, got in shape, prepared for a big move, and was closing down the relationship. I never had the big talk with him, bc I didn't need to. I ramped down our relationship, went out with friends, focused on other things, and then broke up with him on my terms.

it was hard but worth it. and then...months later, as I was preparing to move to a different part of the country, he showed up at my door with a ring. I still grapple with my response. because suprise suprise, the situation you describe still happens multiple times a week, and my children watch the fights that ensue.

we have two beautiful kids but he is still so immature in so many ways. my life is way more stressful than it needs to be, and I am a single mother in many ways. can't count on him, he doesn't support us, doesn't protect us from crazy relatives, etc.

however, at the end of the day, this is not that uncommon a situation.

if you pursue the relationship, be honest with yourself about your expectations. he has shown you who he is.

Don't have a baby with a boyfriend! Not this one for sure.
Grow up before you have kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on and grieve both losses. You deserve better.

+1. A still born at 6 months is way different than a first trimester miscarriage. Your boyfriend is a dick. Dump him and move on.

Can we admit there is a certain cruelty to hanging out with friends until 3 am a week after even a first trimester miscarriage?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You had a miscarriage and your BOYFRIEND is out with his friends living it up and having a good time while you cry?

Ridiculous. You two should be having serious discussions about your future together, and either planning a wedding, or seeing this as a wake-up call and breaking up.

You were pregnant, OP. You brought a baby into the world with this guy. I'm so sorry you lost that child, but now it's time to really think about whether you want a family with him. If not, move on. I think his behavior shows he's not ready, personally. If he wanted that child (and you), he'd be mourning with you, not out playing with the boys.

I was 6 months and had the baby still born. It was incredibly traumatic. He just came back and it's 3am.

OP,

You need to leave this guy. He is not here for you a week after your child died. Yes, I said child. Even the most pro-choice person is not going to tell you that you didn't have a baby die. So sorry for your loss. Please move on without this jerk. Or maybe he isn't a jerk, but just emotionally damaged. Either way, you don't need him.

Wishing you peace, healing, and happiness.

OP, I see a few red flags in your first post that tell me your relationship isn't very healthy for either of you, and that its time to move along.

Please end this. At the very least, double up on your birth control (although for some reason, I doubt that this was an accident)

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your husband being out late preventing you from doing something? Do you do anything?

She said boyfriend in the subject line.

You won't change him.

I'm sorry for your loss. In this case it may have been helpful to give more details earlier, and fewer people may have jumped down your throat.

However, the bottom line is this. He's not meeting YOUR needs. He doesn't have to be a total jerk for him not to be right for you. I would regroup and move on. So sorry.

Is this a new behavior, since the miscarriage? Or does he have a history of this?

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your husband being out late preventing you from doing something? Do you do anything?

It's not her husband. It's her boyfriend. And - obviously - there is a difference

I am sorry for your loss. Leave him.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

Excluding the miscarriage part, which is a big deal, the question is how frequently does he go out and do this?

I had a history early in the relationship of planning to be home at a certain time, and being late. But, in my case, it would happen every few months. I would go out with my friends (usually meeting in Baltimore at Camden Yards: one lived in Harrisburg, one in Philly), and we would watch the game. If the game went into extra innings, I would be late. But that is not what OP is talking about.

If it is every week, you need to realize when he goes out with his friends, he will be out to 3. Is he sober when he gets home? If not, how does he get home? If he is driving home drunk, for me, that is a huge liability. You do not want to be with a drunk driver. He will get caught. You are exposed to a lot of liability, and depending on his job, he may be unemployed.

but, I can't tell you what to do...

3am when he said 11?

Well he might be grieving too, but if he does this a lot then this is still going to happen when you have a baby, and that's not okay.

What do you love about your boyfriend?

Anonymous wrote:Move on and grieve both losses. You deserve better.

+1. A still born at 6 months is way different than a first trimester miscarriage. Your boyfriend is a dick. Dump him and move on.