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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
+1.  and add, loved her 3rd child enough to admit biomom couldn't take care of her and make sure that another family would give her all the love and support she deserved.  Giving up a child isnt a failure if love, it is the most loving and selfless thing a parent can do in certain situations.[/quote]

Children do not fall for this line of crap.  She kept two and gave me away! Why?  What is wrong with me?  This is how a child thinks.  Adults will understand but not a young child.  Also, she will want to know her two siblings.  This is a huge mess, OP. Tred carefully.

I have a cousin who adopted a child under similar for circumstances and it was very difficult.[/quote]

What a horribly unconstructive response... Of course many adopted children struggle with fears about abandonment and attachment. But not all do. And OP is doing the right thing by asking for ideas about this to help her DD, in the event she does have this struggle.

I'm adopted. I did not have these kinds of problems, although obviously I did have questions. To be fair, my brother did have these kinds of issues and struggled with a lot of anger that may have stemmed from feeling rejected early in his life. So (to OP's question), I would not assume either way.

While your DD is quite young, I'd focus on the positives. "She may have not been able to take care of three children, but still loved you and wanted the best for you. So she looked for a home where you would be able to get the love, attention, and things she knew you would need."

When your DD is older, I think it's OK to affirm underlying feelings. So if DD brings up this subject, you could say what you said when she was younger, but ask her "How do you feel about this?" You might be surprised how few adoptive parents ask their adopted children how they feel. Mine didn't. Probably they were afraid, but I didn't feel unloved, just wanted to understand how my story was so different from my friends'... In other words, don't project hurt or rejection (although you would want to be open to the answer that this may be what driving the question.)[/quote]

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