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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, please ignore 5:56 and 7:25!  You don't need to build any kind of relationship with your abuser, and you are a human being who deserves dignity and respect.  Most abusers will not apologize for their abuse, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't, and it doesn't mean you don't deserve one.

It IS socially unacceptable to say you don't love your parents.  Most people are not going to understand it because they can not fathom what it is like to grow up being abused.  Sometimes even if you describe in detail what happened to you, people will still say "But they're your PARENTS!"  Like just because they were an egg and sperm donor it gives them a pass for the atrocious behavior and you should just accept it.  If it was a romantic partner who treated you the same way, no one would question you if you decided to leave and said you didn't love them.

My advice to you is to be careful about who you tell this to, because it really sucks to be invalidated.  I believe you.

[/quote]

It's very easy to assign people roles like "the abuser." Most of the time things are complex, not easy.[/quote]

Yes, you are right.  It is very complex.  I mean sometimes people deserve to be abused!  If they deserve it then it is not abuse, and you are not abuser.  You are just helping them![/quote]

No, that's not what the other PP meant, and I'm a new person to this thread. Also, way to make me take you less seriously by deliberately twisting their statement.

Calling someone an "abuser" reduces who they are, not that it invalidates that the abuse happened. Good people can be abusive - people who lay their life on the line for the public good can turn around and express their mental illness at home on their kids. Read Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. [/quote]

"Abuser" is a word that describes someone who commits abuse.  Just like "rapist" describes someone who commits rape.  OP said she was abused by her father.  Therefore, he is her abuser.  That is the way language works.  We have words that mean things.

Also, if you are abusing someone, you are not a good person.  Are you really saying that for example, a policeman who puts his life on the line every day but then goes home and beats his wife and children until they are black and blue is a good person?  [/quote]

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