Reply to who has actually talked to in laws about problems and did it help at all?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - my other option is to continue to stay away and only see them 2-3 times a year even though they are local.  I just don't want my husband to resent me one day for always doing more with my family and not his.  Not that he ever initiates doing stuff with them.

I don't think it is healthy for me to think about this stuff all the time or dread each time I have to see them.  I feel a sense of loss for us and kids but I can't force it.  At least if I speak up about it this one time, I'm hoping for it help me release the tension/angst about it all.[/quote]

There is no reason for you to think about this stuff "all the time" if you only see them 2-3 times per year. You are giving this too much importance. Honestly, if you have loving family on your side, you haven't lost anything. Your kids have attentive grandparents. So they don't have 4 of them, big deal.

If you are worried about DH blaming you for seeing so little of his family, then stop being part of the problem. Stop taking things personally, don't react to their baloney, and stop complaining/worrying/handwringing about them to DH. If you expect less from them, you will be far less disappointed. Stop dreaming about what-ifs and focus on what is. Stop seeking something from them that they cannot or will not deliver. Treat them like they are, I dunno, DH's boss who invites you to dinner occasionally. You suck it up and go and make pleasant chit chat and if it's bad you paste a smile on your face and tell yourself it will all be over soon. Then you go home and laugh about it with DH and then forget about it.

If you are worried about your Dh having regrets about seeing so little of his family, then talk to him about how frequently he thinks you should see them, make a schedule, and stick to it. And then suck it up, see above.

If they're not abusive or addicts or criminals, you can deal. Seriously.[/quote]

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