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[quote=Anonymous]<<Neither of my in-laws asked how I was doing or even told me they were sorry for my loss.>>

They sound emotionally stunted. They may not have said anything not because they didn't care, but because they do not know what to say or do not know how to handle it. Did you say anything to them? I would say something like, "As you know, Bob and Betty, I am in mourning and am having a really difficult time with my father's death." But if you acted as if it didn't happen, they may have been following your lead. It's terrible, still, but they may not be as awful as you think. What I am saying is, they may not be heartless, just clueless, and totally without skills. They may not ask you questions not because they are self-absorbed, but because they do not want to pry, and do not know what to talk about other than safe topics like food.

Still, I would not send my children alone to such clueless people, even if I hated being around them. I would want to be there to supervise and protect my kids. It's fine to distance yourself from them.

But at the same time, you might do better just be being a lot more blunt with them. You're operating on the assumption that they are incapable of change and/or do not want to change. Age does funny things to people. People can sometimes -- not always -- mellow. I personally can't write anyone off, especially if I think I might be able to change the dynamic just by altering my own behavior. If they prattle on and on about food, why not change the subject? If they don't bring up your dad, why not bring it up? After listening them talk about pumpkin pie, say something like, "You know, it's been hard for me to eat, because I am missing my dad so much and just grieving him." A little shock to their system might not be a bad thing. Hugs to you. [/quote]

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