Reply to Ex-boyfriend told me I'm not meant to live with anyone

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Ex-boyfriend told me I'm not meant to live with anyone"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, everyone has quirks, issues, flaws.  No one makes it 30 years on this Earth without having some baggage -- except maybe narcissists, but that's an issue in and off itself.

The reality is that even with self-improvement, we all have certain personalities that don't jive well with other specific types of personalities.

Most people in successful long-term relationships will tell you that it is not about being perfect or finding someone who is perfect.  Instead, it is about finding someone whose flaws are compatible with your flaws.  So that you complement each other as opposed to aggravate each other.

It's not easy to do because you don't really know someone and their flaws until you live with them.  That's when you find out if your personalities can coexist on a daily basis.

You can't live happily with him.  But that doesn't mean that you can't live happily with someone else.  You have to find someone who brings out your better half and for whom you bring out their better half.  The relationship then is a supportive one, not a damaging one.

It is great to try to know yourself and your areas of weakness and do things to strengthen them.  But you will always have those sensitivities.  You may find ways to compensate or mitigate them, but you need to also have some self-acceptance.  It is only then that you will fully understand what kind of things are deal breakers in a relationship.

It doesn't mean either of you are bad people.  You are just bad for each other.

For some of us, the process of finding a long-term partner is one of trial and error.  We learn over time what works for our specific personality make-up and what doesn't.  And eventually we find someone who is willing to work with those things and with whom we are willing to work.

Don't beat yourself up.  That was one guy.  It didn't work out.  He's not an expert on you or on relationships.

If it helps, I once lived with a man who said I was paranoid and overly sensitive.  He said it constantly and made me doubt myself.  He broke up with me eventually and used those things as an excuse.  I later found out he was having an affair.  All along, I was right to believe something was going on.  I wasn't being paranoid or hypersensitive.  I was actually right on target.  His accusations were a way of throwing me off.

He is married now with a kid, and I think he still cheats.  I think all along that is the situation he wanted:  a naive wife to come home to and the opportunity to have mistresses, one-night stands, and affairs as he pleased.

He knew he would never have that situation with me.  He didn't want to come home to a partner who suspected him of cheating.  He wanted to be the apple of his wife's eye but still have his freedom.

Your ex realized that you wouldn't accommodate his outbursts of anger.  And he seems to have no desire to mitigate his temper.  For now, he claims he can't live with someone else.  But he's probably still hoping he eventually finds someone who will put up with his anger without ever challenging him.

The best relationships are the ones where both people are willing to meet halfway -- to work to improve the weaknesses but understand that they will never entirely go away, but if both people can at least give a little, they can find a happy middle, one of acceptance but also of growth.

Eventually you will find a partner who loves you as you are but also inspires you to grow as a person.  And you will in turn love him as he is but also inspire growth in him.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics