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[quote=Anonymous]Fortunately, our older son is not much of a "burden."  We paid for all of his college (a LAC) and grad school and helped him buy a place in DC (bought in a very "up and coming" area when it wasn't very expensive and did well).  He's a teacher, very socially conscientious and an all-round good person with good values.  Do they live in a place that's beyond what most at their income would make?  Yes - but that's not a problem.  At least they're generally appreciative and don't expect to always piggyback off us!

#1's wife (DIL 1) would make an excellent mother but can't conceive.  So they've been trying adoption or surrogacy - both fraught with difficulties!

But #1 seems to have a lot of resentment towards #2 - I think he feels less loved especially since the grandchildren were born.  I think they feel it's unfair they can't have children like they've long wanted and that the "#2s" can "just pop out children" (to put it crudely).  He also thinks they are spoiled and entitled!

#1 has even insisted:  I've benefited immensely enough, and you don't need to leave me money.  Leave it to grandchildren, for college, to a good cause, to hardworking cousins who are struggling etc.  I appreciate the noble sentiment but let's see where things are at in the future.

I remind  though that he doesn't want to trade places with #2 (and he certainly agrees).  #2 is unhappy and feels greatly ashamed.

It's kind of unfair to leave both sons different amounts though because we don't want to "play favorites".

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