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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think OP is harsh but I understand what he/she is saying. Sometimes it takes someone who has lived with certain disfunctions to understand the pain. You don't just get it unless you have lived it. Does not mean that someone can be nice and a good person to talk to but they just don't get it. I actually it is the same when you have kids. I didn't get it until I had them. I could talk to friends and offer advice but I really didn't know the love/commitment/stress until I have swam in that pond so to speak.[/quote]

+1.  My mother's parents were disasters but my mom and my dad were/are great.  I could never understand why my mom acted the way she did about her parents and kept them at such arms length and I held it against her for a long time.  I had no idea until I got older and had more heart to hearts with her how hard it was for her and what messes my grandparents had been.  As I've met and become friends with people that have grown up in abusive or dysfunctional homes, I realize when they confide in me that I don't have anything of substance to offer beyond support and affection.  My life just hasn't equipped me to deal with some of the utter bullshit these people have to go through.

Validation of their feelings and offering them an emotional safe harbor when they need it is about as close as I can ever come to being useful, my advice would, more often than not, be worse than useless.  [/quote]

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