Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."

I've seen those posts.

No, I believe OP is talking about a post from last night about a woman whose mother makes hurtful comments about her failure to provide her with a sufficient number of grandchildren. When the mother doesn't know her daughter is infertile because the daughter hasn't told her (which, to be clear, is obviously completely within her rights to do if she so chooses). I offered some (what I thought might be helpful) comments re: drawing boundaries to that thread's OP, but this thread's OP decided I didn't have sufficient experience with terrible parents to give advice. Thus this thread. Or I assume they're related, since this one popped up within minutes of those postings last night. What this OP doesn't know is that I've got years of experience with drawing boundaries with toxic in-laws, along with a ton of therapy to deal with it. I try not to comment on random threads unless I think I have some requisite experience on the topic.

Besides, that thread's OP is more than welcome to disregard my comments- I won't be offended in the slightest.

Yet you managed to miss OP's replies as to why she had not her mother about the infertility. Instead your thought process was, well this is how it is for me, OP's problems would be solved if she just said this. Ignoring that the OP of that thread said about telling her mother anything.

Perhaps it was an over direction, but I agree with the premise of this thread, and looking at the majority of the responses proves why. You and others like you simply do not get it, and instead of accepting that you take it as a personal attack.

In a way it is an attack, especially in the way that OP worded it. Bottom line, we all have wounds and we all want to be validated. If you want to pre-screen and "qualify" people's responses to your troubles then don't post on an internet forum, only talk to friends who you have "qualified" as giving you "qualified" advice.
Either that or hand people a piece of paper with the exact answer/response that you want them to give you.
Otherwise, you take your chances when you vent, share, talk about your problems. Of course, everyone should be considerate of their response to people in pain(and otherwise), everyone should consider if their response is helpful or considerate of the other's personal experience. However, to just tell people their is no way they can give any advice or help because they have not had that same experience, is a bit shortsighted and pointless. Save that for specific instances where people have talked to you out of their a**. I do understand where OP is coming from, but often when we are in pain, it's hard to see beyond our own foxhole -- which is not necessarily the best vantage point to tell everyone in the world what to do.

Me me me me me. I'm a special snowflake. I can solve everyone's issues if they would just listen to me, because I have all the answers.

It's amazing how you accuse people of wallowing in their self created victimhood while playing the victim.

I'm sure you know where your proverbial head is.

Life must be so tough for you.

Wow, you're kind of a bitch. There are several people responding to you on this, not just me (I'm the second PP on this reply, and the one who just offered a therapist recommendation a few minutes ago).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."

I've seen those posts.

No, I believe OP is talking about a post from last night about a woman whose mother makes hurtful comments about her failure to provide her with a sufficient number of grandchildren. When the mother doesn't know her daughter is infertile because the daughter hasn't told her (which, to be clear, is obviously completely within her rights to do if she so chooses). I offered some (what I thought might be helpful) comments re: drawing boundaries to that thread's OP, but this thread's OP decided I didn't have sufficient experience with terrible parents to give advice. Thus this thread. Or I assume they're related, since this one popped up within minutes of those postings last night. What this OP doesn't know is that I've got years of experience with drawing boundaries with toxic in-laws, along with a ton of therapy to deal with it. I try not to comment on random threads unless I think I have some requisite experience on the topic.

Besides, that thread's OP is more than welcome to disregard my comments- I won't be offended in the slightest.

Yet you managed to miss OP's replies as to why she had not her mother about the infertility. Instead your thought process was, well this is how it is for me, OP's problems would be solved if she just said this. Ignoring that the OP of that thread said about telling her mother anything.

Perhaps it was an over direction, but I agree with the premise of this thread, and looking at the majority of the responses proves why. You and others like you simply do not get it, and instead of accepting that you take it as a personal attack.

In a way it is an attack, especially in the way that OP worded it. Bottom line, we all have wounds and we all want to be validated. If you want to pre-screen and "qualify" people's responses to your troubles then don't post on an internet forum, only talk to friends who you have "qualified" as giving you "qualified" advice.
Either that or hand people a piece of paper with the exact answer/response that you want them to give you.
Otherwise, you take your chances when you vent, share, talk about your problems. Of course, everyone should be considerate of their response to people in pain(and otherwise), everyone should consider if their response is helpful or considerate of the other's personal experience. However, to just tell people their is no way they can give any advice or help because they have not had that same experience, is a bit shortsighted and pointless. Save that for specific instances where people have talked to you out of their a**. I do understand where OP is coming from, but often when we are in pain, it's hard to see beyond our own foxhole -- which is not necessarily the best vantage point to tell everyone in the world what to do.

Me me me me me. I'm a special snowflake. I can solve everyone's issues if they would just listen to me, because I have all the answers.

It's amazing how you accuse people of wallowing in their self created victimhood while playing the victim.

I'm sure you know where your proverbial head is.

Life must be so tough for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."

I've seen those posts.

No, I believe OP is talking about a post from last night about a woman whose mother makes hurtful comments about her failure to provide her with a sufficient number of grandchildren. When the mother doesn't know her daughter is infertile because the daughter hasn't told her (which, to be clear, is obviously completely within her rights to do if she so chooses). I offered some (what I thought might be helpful) comments re: drawing boundaries to that thread's OP, but this thread's OP decided I didn't have sufficient experience with terrible parents to give advice. Thus this thread. Or I assume they're related, since this one popped up within minutes of those postings last night. What this OP doesn't know is that I've got years of experience with drawing boundaries with toxic in-laws, along with a ton of therapy to deal with it. I try not to comment on random threads unless I think I have some requisite experience on the topic.

Besides, that thread's OP is more than welcome to disregard my comments- I won't be offended in the slightest.

Yet you managed to miss OP's replies as to why she had not her mother about the infertility. Instead your thought process was, well this is how it is for me, OP's problems would be solved if she just said this. Ignoring that the OP of that thread said about telling her mother anything.

Perhaps it was an over direction, but I agree with the premise of this thread, and looking at the majority of the responses proves why. You and others like you simply do not get it, and instead of accepting that you take it as a personal attack.

In a way it is an attack, especially in the way that OP worded it. Bottom line, we all have wounds and we all want to be validated. If you want to pre-screen and "qualify" people's responses to your troubles then don't post on an internet forum, only talk to friends who you have "qualified" as giving you "qualified" advice.
Either that or hand people a piece of paper with the exact answer/response that you want them to give you.
Otherwise, you take your chances when you vent, share, talk about your problems. Of course, everyone should be considerate of their response to people in pain(and otherwise), everyone should consider if their response is helpful or considerate of the other's personal experience. However, to just tell people their is no way they can give any advice or help because they have not had that same experience, is a bit shortsighted and pointless. Save that for specific instances where people have talked to you out of their a**. I do understand where OP is coming from, but often when we are in pain, it's hard to see beyond our own foxhole -- which is not necessarily the best vantage point to tell everyone in the world what to do.

Me me me me me. I'm a special snowflake. I can solve everyone's issues if they would just listen to me, because I have all the answers.

It's amazing how you accuse people of wallowing in their self created victimhood while playing the victim.

I'm sure you know where your proverbial head is.

Life must be so tough for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."

I've seen those posts.

No, I believe OP is talking about a post from last night about a woman whose mother makes hurtful comments about her failure to provide her with a sufficient number of grandchildren. When the mother doesn't know her daughter is infertile because the daughter hasn't told her (which, to be clear, is obviously completely within her rights to do if she so chooses). I offered some (what I thought might be helpful) comments re: drawing boundaries to that thread's OP, but this thread's OP decided I didn't have sufficient experience with terrible parents to give advice. Thus this thread. Or I assume they're related, since this one popped up within minutes of those postings last night. What this OP doesn't know is that I've got years of experience with drawing boundaries with toxic in-laws, along with a ton of therapy to deal with it. I try not to comment on random threads unless I think I have some requisite experience on the topic.

Besides, that thread's OP is more than welcome to disregard my comments- I won't be offended in the slightest.

Yet you managed to miss OP's replies as to why she had not her mother about the infertility. Instead your thought process was, well this is how it is for me, OP's problems would be solved if she just said this. Ignoring that the OP of that thread said about telling her mother anything.

Perhaps it was an over direction, but I agree with the premise of this thread, and looking at the majority of the responses proves why. You and others like you simply do not get it, and instead of accepting that you take it as a personal attack.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."

I've seen those posts.

No, I believe OP is talking about a post from last night about a woman whose mother makes hurtful comments about her failure to provide her with a sufficient number of grandchildren. When the mother doesn't know her daughter is infertile because the daughter hasn't told her (which, to be clear, is obviously completely within her rights to do if she so chooses). I offered some (what I thought might be helpful) comments re: drawing boundaries to that thread's OP, but this thread's OP decided I didn't have sufficient experience with terrible parents to give advice. Thus this thread. Or I assume they're related, since this one popped up within minutes of those postings last night. What this OP doesn't know is that I've got years of experience with drawing boundaries with toxic in-laws, along with a ton of therapy to deal with it. I try not to comment on random threads unless I think I have some requisite experience on the topic.

Besides, that thread's OP is more than welcome to disregard my comments- I won't be offended in the slightest.

Yet you managed to miss OP's replies as to why she had not her mother about the infertility. Instead your thought process was, well this is how it is for me, OP's problems would be solved if she just said this. Ignoring that the OP of that thread said about telling her mother anything.

Perhaps it was an over direction, but I agree with the premise of this thread, and looking at the majority of the responses proves why. You and others like you simply do not get it, and instead of accepting that you take it as a personal attack.

In a way it is an attack, especially in the way that OP worded it. Bottom line, we all have wounds and we all want to be validated. If you want to pre-screen and "qualify" people's responses to your troubles then don't post on an internet forum, only talk to friends who you have "qualified" as giving you "qualified" advice.
Either that or hand people a piece of paper with the exact answer/response that you want them to give you.
Otherwise, you take your chances when you vent, share, talk about your problems. Of course, everyone should be considerate of their response to people in pain(and otherwise), everyone should consider if their response is helpful or considerate of the other's personal experience. However, to just tell people their is no way they can give any advice or help because they have not had that same experience, is a bit shortsighted and pointless. Save that for specific instances where people have talked to you out of their a**. I do understand where OP is coming from, but often when we are in pain, it's hard to see beyond our own foxhole -- which is not necessarily the best vantage point to tell everyone in the world what to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."

I've seen those posts.

No, I believe OP is talking about a post from last night about a woman whose mother makes hurtful comments about her failure to provide her with a sufficient number of grandchildren. When the mother doesn't know her daughter is infertile because the daughter hasn't told her (which, to be clear, is obviously completely within her rights to do if she so chooses). I offered some (what I thought might be helpful) comments re: drawing boundaries to that thread's OP, but this thread's OP decided I didn't have sufficient experience with terrible parents to give advice. Thus this thread. Or I assume they're related, since this one popped up within minutes of those postings last night. What this OP doesn't know is that I've got years of experience with drawing boundaries with toxic in-laws, along with a ton of therapy to deal with it. I try not to comment on random threads unless I think I have some requisite experience on the topic.

Besides, that thread's OP is more than welcome to disregard my comments- I won't be offended in the slightest.

Yet you managed to miss OP's replies as to why she had not her mother about the infertility. Instead your thought process was, well this is how it is for me, OP's problems would be solved if she just said this. Ignoring that the OP of that thread said about telling her mother anything.

Perhaps it was an over direction, but I agree with the premise of this thread, and looking at the majority of the responses proves why. You and others like you simply do not get it, and instead of accepting that you take it as a personal attack.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."

I've seen those posts.

No, I believe OP is talking about a post from last night about a woman whose mother makes hurtful comments about her failure to provide her with a sufficient number of grandchildren. When the mother doesn't know her daughter is infertile because the daughter hasn't told her (which, to be clear, is obviously completely within her rights to do if she so chooses). I offered some (what I thought might be helpful) comments re: drawing boundaries to that thread's OP, but this thread's OP decided I didn't have sufficient experience with terrible parents to give advice. Thus this thread. Or I assume they're related, since this one popped up within minutes of those postings last night. What this OP doesn't know is that I've got years of experience with drawing boundaries with toxic in-laws, along with a ton of therapy to deal with it. I try not to comment on random threads unless I think I have some requisite experience on the topic.

Besides, that thread's OP is more than welcome to disregard my comments- I won't be offended in the slightest.

It actually does mean you don't know how to handle that situation. There is no other situation like having had terrible parents. You know no more about bad parents than your child-free friend knows about raising an infant.

Empathy and support is great. Your advice is not going to be

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."

I've seen those posts.

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is harsh but I understand what he/she is saying. Sometimes it takes someone who has lived with certain disfunctions to understand the pain. You don't just get it unless you have lived it. Does not mean that someone can be nice and a good person to talk to but they just don't get it. I actually it is the same when you have kids. I didn't get it until I had them. I could talk to friends and offer advice but I really didn't know the love/commitment/stress until I have swam in that pond so to speak.

Anonymous wrote:OP is probably talking about the people who can read an entire story about neglect, longterm abuse or severe dysfunction and say "well that's your parent so you need to respect them and your kids need to have a relationship with them. By the way, my parents are awesome and we love spending time with them."

I've seen those posts.

Anonymous wrote:Then stop posting about your problems in an open, anonymous online forum and go talk to a counselor.