Reply to My dad is killing my soul and devouring my family's spirit,

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have to support the posts saying that you need to get him out of the house and then be very, very adamant with all those involved -- hospital, doctors, mental health professionals and social workers, state aid, whoever -- that he will not be returning to your home. You WILL get grief, OP, and you and your husband will have to be extremely strong-willed about saying that returning to your home is not an option, not even a temporary one. I feel so horrible for you and your family, and I think your husband is terrific to care for your father the way he did when you were ill.

If you need to, enlist your own doctors to press the case that you are unable to care for your father in your home any longer because it risks damage to your health.

You were so good to take him in that I worry you will let guilt get to you. But your marriage is at risk, and your children are witnessing awful stuff -- if the issue were just that "granddad is incontinent" that would be one thing, and something you could deal with, but the cursing and yelling and stripping off and walking around are creating a home that is no longer a home for your kids.

One thing to consider: Will your siblings back you on this, or will they -- even though YOU and not they have done all of the care and housing -- suddenly come at you with accusations that you don't care, you're abandoning dad, etc.? That is another area where you might have to be very strong and even risk being alienated from your siblings, IF that might happen. But your own husband and children need to come first, and they never will as long as dad is under your roof.

This is such a sad situation and points out how desperately a much faster, streamlined system is needed for getting help to sick people and to their stressed caregivers. Don't lose your own family because you did the right thing and tried to care for your dad. I hate having to say that you should get him into a hospital and then refuse to have him back, but if that is the only option that prevents you from ending up sick yourself, you might have to do it.[/quote]

Yes yes and yes, all of this.  And remember that nothing that you do now will repair the damage your dad did in your childhood.  It seems like that may be what you're hoping for by caring for him, that he will miraculously turn into someone who appreciates you.  Not gonna happen.[/quote]

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