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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's hard to be assertive in ways that will hurt people you love. And most of the people who post here love their troublesome family member or the things they do wouldn't hurt them. You come across as someone who has never had to seriously deal with emotional fallout from telling a loved one you're not speaking to them, cutting them off, etc. Actually your advice is just a cudgel. It doesn't consider the nuance of family relationships- "speaking up" to a sister might mean losing contact with nieces and nephews. It has to be juggled carefully. You think if people don't go in scorched earth they're doormats. They're not always. You just have no idea what you're talking about. [/quote]

The emotional issue is yours because you are afraid of the idea that someone won't like you. I did have to be very blunt with my sister and yes I lost contact with my nieces for years. But it was my sister's choice to isolate her children. I didn't ask her to do so nor force her to. It was sad for both myself and my kids but it was my sister's choice. During that time, i continued to send cards and small gifts for holidays because of course i still loved and cared about them. When my oldest niece moved away for college, she reached out to me and we do have a relationship now. Not so much with my sister but truth be told as I got older and the years passed, it just didn't matter to me as much as it once did that my sister and I didn't have a close relationship any more. My mom tried the guilt trip thing for at least 2 years with me but I kept repeating " it's really sad that Larla choose to isolate herself and her kids from family events isn't it?" I literally repeated this so much during one conversation that my mom told me to shut up and it told her no, that was the only answer to her guilt trip she would get and I was serious. I repeated the same to any relatives that asked as well.[/quote]

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