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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Well, it's been my experience too. [b]Expect your fathers life to be dictated by the new woman and her family.[/b] Your father will stop attending his grandchildren so functions in lieu of hers. On the bright side, if she wants him so badly that she is willing to interrupt a marital relationship--which, by the way, folks, only ends upon death or divorce--then she can be his caretaker when he gets sick. The only thing to be wary of is your father dipping into your mothers assets or neglecting her care and financial needs. In that case, I would either push him to divorce her and handle the proceeds from the divorce settlement in her interest, or become her guardian and petition for the divorce yourself. You don't want your mom getting substandard care or, God forbid, the plug pulled too soon because Betty needs $ to send her grandkids to private school[/quote]

It was my mother that did this.  She remarried at 52 to a man that had 6 adult kids - the youngest was my age.  She pretty much ignored me and my siblings.  To the point that when my older brother came home from a 2 year overseas deployment, she couldn't fly up from Florida (where they were wintering) because 2 of his kids would be visiting them at the same time.  Last summer, we (me, DH and our 3 kids) made plans to drive out to the midwest (where she summers) to visit for a week.  Two weeks before we were supposed to leave, she tells me she'll be housesitting/babysitting for one of her husband's kids.  Oh, we were welcome to stay in her house but she'd be over an hour away.

I won't even go into the financial stuff or the myriad ways she demonstrated that his family is far more important than we are.

But, I digress and this doesn't address OP's situation.  After seeing my FIL descend into dementia and require skilled nursing care for 2 years, I would have no problem with my MIL seeking companionship.  The person who was her DH is gone in every way except his body.  DH and I have had many conversations about it, how we want (or don't want) to be cared for if our quality of life becomes so poor.  It's unfortunate the goal of medicine is so often to prevent death.[/quote]

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