Reply to How to remembwrite an alcoholic grandfather

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. They are 14, 11, 8 and 2 - all girls if that matters. The two oldest have spent the most time with my in laws because we sent them to stay with DHs brother for a week in the summer for 3 years once they turned 8.[/quote]

So how do THEY remember their grandfather? (Obviously will be different for the different ages.) You can help each of them process, privately, their memories, both good and bad. There doesn't have to be a party line for them. They can have their own feelings. For those that don't remember him well, they'll learn from their sisters and other relatives.

And then also as a family, not with the extended relatives, you can certainly talk about your FIL's alcoholism. It was eye-opening for me, as a kid, to learn about my grandfather's alcoholism and how it contributed to his early death. (I don't remember him.) My dad talked candidly, good and bad, about his father. He also talked about his alcoholism was part of a family pattern that he didn't want to continue, so we knew he was careful with alcohol (and so am I).

At a family party, though, it's fine to let other people state the "party line" without trying to correct them. If there's a specific case they're talking about, and that involved you, it's fine to gently speak your piece. (They say, "wasn't it funny how he woke us up late that night, shooting his gun?" You can say, "I remember it differently--that stressed me out." But then drop it.)
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