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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The family is allowed to have good memories and tell fun stories about him -- he was  still their father.  Being an alcoholic doesn't diminish him as a person or as a beloved father.  Now, that doesn't mean fun stories about his drunk driving or binge drinking should be encouraged around kids, but I really think that the kids have gotten the point that Grandpa had a problem.  Enough said.  Don't be a scold.

[/quote]

I don't think it's about trying to diminish him or harp on "But he was an alcoholic!"

Alcoholism is a disease.  The problem is when we are not honest with are skeletons in the closet no matter if they are alcoholism, mental health, LDs, it makes it a lot harder for our kids.  They need to know things from a health prospective in case they are encountering them too.

Patrick Kennedy is facing a lot of backlash from his family over his book about his family's struggle with alcoholism:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/10/05/in-putting-a-political-familys-secrets-out-in-the-open-patrick-kennedy-is-hardly-the-first/

It's not unusual for people in the same family to have different narratives/experiences with the same thing.  Personally OP, I think your oldest two are ready to be educated about alcoholism.  I don't think you use their grandfather as the primary example, but you can mention how this affected him too.  Please remember, it is a disease.  I think you should approach Al-Anon for help b/f moving forward in any case.[/quote]

I don't think the family labeling him a free spirit means they are in denial about his alcoholism.  They may be fully aware of his drinking, but still think of him as a free spirit.  The two things are not mutually exclusive.  Those are their memories of him.

The Patrick Kennedy book is very different. It's about his [b]family's denial[/b] -- total denial -- of their rampant alcoholism.  Totally different.[/quote]

It does sound like the OP's extended family are in denial.  And "free spirit" and "lived by his own terms" is code for never addressed the drinking.

However, OP, I don't think you need to say or do anything at family get-togethers.  You've been straight with your kids, which is your domain.  It's not your job to correct other people's perception or contradict the memories they want to share.  I think you've done your due diligence.  If your kids ask about the contradictions tell them that people want to remember the happy memories and not dwell on the negative.  Overall, I think you're doing a good job of treading the line between what is said and what is left unsaid.  [/quote]

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