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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] I don't want to back out of marriage yet.
I'm just trying to sort this all out  in my mind. It's a lot to take on.
I know it's not easy for him either, and I don't blame him for not telling me sooner,even though I wish he had.
I'm having a hard time understanding it. My fiance is not at all a passive guy, so the fact that he still regularly engages with this person is very confusing to me. I'm sure talking to a counselor will help.
" Telling" here has helped a little too, honestly I felt like I was going to boil over the last couple of days.[/quote]

You have no choice but to back out of the marriage.

Your relationship with the fiance was under false pretenses because he hid this from you for so long.  That's part of his dysfunction--participating in the secrecy and concealment and protection of the abuser even though your fiance is an adult.  He never got the therapy he needs.  Well--you're not his therapist.   Anyone who would willingly tolerate being around someone who abused him like that, is himself, broken.  He wants to marry you solely to tell himself he is "normal" and marrying you would make him "normal."

You SHOULD blame him for not telling you sooner.   That's his obligation to you, and he failed you.  The fact that he still regularly engages his abuser means your fiance is sick in the head.  There is every likelihood that he still has sex, as an adult, with his abuser.

This is a no win situation for you OP because you are never going to know what your fiance "forgot" to tell you about that's very important.

Listen to your gut.  It is screaming at you, get out NOW, don't feel guilty about it, and don't apologize.  Move the FUCK on.[/quote]

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