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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OK- i don't think this situation is as unusual as others.  None of my friends had kids before me, and I really don't like being around children much, other than my own. So I didn't have a lot of experience with this before we got into group settings. And I am anxious enough that I liked to prepare a few thoughts so that I could be comfortable enough to wing it in the moment.

Here are my ideas of what you might say to my son.

I would suggest that you can say things like:
-Hi Larlo, I like your shirt, orange is my favorite color
-If he is playing with something or talking to you about something, try to show interest (even if it is the different varieties of igneous rocks, you can say wow I like this one because it sparkles)

I don't know how old your kids are- but they can really help break the ice.
If my son wanders over to you and leans on you to listen to the conversation, just let him be. He may be about to share something with you, but he is working to get his nerve up to do it.

Please don't
-look at me pityingly if my child doesn't act "typical"
-say things like- "wow- he really overreacted"
-hesitate to look away or excuse yourself to the ladies room if I need to intervene with a behavioral discussion while you are visiting
-insist that my child make eye contact or interact with you in any particular way- he is doing the best he can
-hug or touch my son (or his hair) without him initiating it- I think this applies to all kids for many reasons
-be offended if you offer my son food. drink and he declines it (I probably brought something from home)

I have 2 kids with special needs, so I guess you could say that I don't know how to interact with typical kids.  I treat them like I do my own.  And it generally works out.
[/quote]

This is perfect, thank you.  I have a stupid question though - can I say I like his shirt and it's my favorite color even if it's not.

I also hesitate on suggesting things to do.  Mine is two, so I'm not sure they'd actually do much together, so I was thinking a park, so at least mine could run around.  Would that be ok?  She mentioned he has ADHD too and is very distractable, so I don't know.  Would a museum be too much?

And yes, I'm aware that half my issue is that I don't understand kids in general.[/quote]

If it makes you uncomfortable to say that green is your favorite color when it's not, just rephrase it. "I like your shirt, green is a great color." A park is a fine suggestion, but if you're uncertain, ask her if that works (not because of ASD/ADHD, but just because there are a million reasons she might prefer something else; also make sure it's a park with equipment for older kids, not just toddlers). "What if we meet at Sunshine Park at 11 am? Would that work for you, or did you have something else in mind?"

OP, I know you said you don't have anxiety, but from your posts it really sounds like you might have some kind of social anxiety. You're not just having anxiety about how to interact with her child, but also about how to interact with her, and you seem really worked about needing to get it just right for fear of offending her.[/quote]

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