Reply to Mom wants to get back together with abusive father

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Mom wants to get back together with abusive father"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Read "Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft.  You must understand the dynamics of being in an abusive relationship with a man before judging your mother. [/quote]

That's so funny.  That's the book my mom keeps trying to get me to read.

I usually can be understanding of my mom, but when she does this stuff it just plunges me back into such a state of trauma.

I will try to be understanding though. I dont know how to explain- she is a genuinely good, highly intelligent person.  And she raised me to be a feminist.  Which is why i think I find this so baffling.

[/quote]

That's your myth of what your mother is. There are a million reasons why you are a feminist that may have little to do with her. You need to see her issues as SEPARATE from you. I'm sorry for yelling but enmeshed people don't understand the concept of boundaries. Her mess does not belong to you.

You have no control over your mother's behavior and feelings. Screw being understanding. She is who she is which is a deeply flawed person who stayed with a violent person to the detriment of her children. Snap out of your dreaminess about her. Great, she has wonderful parts but overall... It's normal to be sad and grieve for the mother that she should have been to you.

For your own safety, security, and well being, consider setting rules with her. You are not interested in hearing about him. Shut her down if she talks about him. Let her know you will not listen to the problems he brings to her life.  Make it cut and dried and follow through. Why roll around in this mess with her?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics