Reply to Don't want to invite certain people to Bat Mitzva

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[quote=Anonymous]I can't imagine inviting someone who hasn't spoken to me in a dozen years as you say one sister hasn't. But I'm a bit puzzled about how and where you still encounter her - the original post indicates she doesnt speak to you at certain events where you and she are both present--? So your paths cross, maybe at family events?

Anyway, not inviting these relatives (and by extension their spouses/kids) leaves more room for your DD to invite her friends who are her own age. When my daughter's best friend had her bat mitzvah, the party was for family, of course, but the friend had heaps of her school and synagogue and Girl Scout and chorus friends come. At 13, kids want their friends at their big party. So look at that as a very positive aspect of just not inviting these relatives.

But take care, OP. Are your other many "uncool" siblings in touch with the ones who aren't speaking to you? Is there a chance that the Cordial Siblings will let slip to the Cold Siblings that the event is taking place before it happens? You don't want Cold Siblings turning up uninvited and tossing their weight around along the lines of, "Well, we figured the religious service is open to all, and assumed you must have just lost our invitation to the party, so here we ARE." Maybe they won't do that, if they don't even speak to you. Depends on how nasty they are, really.

I would not invite them (or their kids since their kids don't play with yours), would invite the people your DD wants there, invite people you care about and want to spend time with, and let it go. Please don't worry so much about other people asking where they are, etc. Most guests won't ask or care or even notice unless they actually know all your many siblings. And by the way, please, please do not let your DD know any of your thoughts over this. If she has never met them but suddenly gets wind of the fact you are feeling angst over whether to invite them, she may feel somehow responsible for making you feel better by saying "It's OK to ask them" or she may alternatively feel angry that you are thinking about inviting people who are strangers....It's not an issue to put onto a kid's plate, so just in case you might inadvertently say something in front of her--well, please don't. If you mention her cousins who apparently are on her radar somewhat, she might start to wonder if she should invite those cousins. I would just let her have fun with compiling the list of her own friends and tell her you'll handle the family and adult guest lists.[/quote]

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