Reply to The "sister" I never wanted

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom collects people too.  My mom is a hoarder, but she hoards people.  She hoards friends and acquaintances and single, low-functioning adult men she wants to save in a motherly way.  It's exhausting.

We go to lunch with her and turns out it's not with just her, it's with her and three of her friends.

And yes I've had to hear all about Tessa, for years and guess I will never stop hearing about Tessa.  Or Kerry.

Anyways, your situation is a little different because your mom is mean, but I will tell you this for when your child is a little older:

[b]You have to throw your mom under the bus.  I'm sort of exaggerating but what I mean is, you have to explain the problem, the unhealthy dynamic, whatever, that your mom has, to your kid.  This is inoculating your kid to her comments both about you, and about your kid.[/b]

And you have to do it over and over; as your kid gets older and as the situation arises.  You can start younger than you think.  It doesn't mean your kid can't love your mom, it just means that you teach your kid to separate the healthy part from the unhealthy part.

Anyways, I've done it with my DH's dad, who is a functioning alcoholic and revers the stuff constantly in front of my kids.  At one point he had different sizes of Johnny Walker out on the table--even some from the plane trip--set up like a family of those wooden Russian dolls. And the toasts!  To the almighty grape…the best part about throwing them under the bus is that IF they try and get your kid alone to "infect" them, your kid won't be swayed.  He tried to drive them somewhere and they came back and told me that he, not my DH, was behind the wheel and I took care of it.

And he is a lovely, lovely, person, otherwise and my kids love him--as do I.

It works, OP.  You can't fix your mom's "sickness," but you can inoculate your kid against your mom's sickness.[/quote]

This poster is SPOT ON. I've had to do this with my child re: my dad. [/quote]

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