Reply to 'closed' adoption agencies

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Reply to "'closed' adoption agencies"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks so much for all the responses. I would never hide the fact of adoption and -- assuming we know the identity and have the ok from birth mother -- would be 100% fine with the child meeting his/her birth parent as an older teenager. That would seem a cruel denial! I just don't want it to be part of everyday life.

Are there any recommendations for agencies? [/quote]

What I mean is, though, it might not be just a one-time meeting as an older teenager.  It might be an ongoing relationship with birth parents and siblings that is part of your child's life, maybe not every day but on a monthly or annual basis, for a long long time.  You need to understand that there is a whole birth family out there, and ultimately it is them and the child, not you, who will determine how much contact happens in the late teens and adulthood.[/quote]

And even if it is initially closed, either your child or the birth parents may request meetings earlier than when your child reaches 18 (or whenever they are allowed to request information). Years ago dear friends of ours adopted a child in a closed adoption (birth parents requested closed -- I don't know whether friends cared either way). After a few years the birth parents sent a letter to the agency requesting a meeting. Our friends were very conflicted but ultimately decided that their child should know the birth parents (and what would their child think later if he/she found out that this request had been denied). They weren't sure of the birth parents' intentions and set up a meeting in a place of business and invited friends to help their child be more comfortable. I was there and it was very nerve wracking for my friends but also heartwarming. It all worked out fine and there were subsequent meetings and communication. Of course, the child knows who his parents are -- the ones who are raising him, if that is what op is worried about. I moved away and so did my friends and I don't know the level of contact the birth parents have today (and I apologize if I am offending anyone by using the wrong term). But the point is that things can change from the original agreement.[/quote]

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