Reply to 'closed' adoption agencies

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Reply to "'closed' adoption agencies"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks so much for all the responses. I would never hide the fact of adoption and -- assuming we know the identity and have the ok from birth mother -- would be 100% fine with the child meeting his/her birth parent as an older teenager. That would seem a cruel denial! I just don't want it to be part of everyday life.

Are there any recommendations for agencies? [/quote]

What I mean is, though, it might not be just a one-time meeting as an older teenager.  It might be an ongoing relationship with birth parents and siblings that is part of your child's life, maybe not every day but on a monthly or annual basis, for a long long time.  You need to understand that there is a whole birth family out there, and ultimately it is them and the child, not you, who will determine how much contact happens in the late teens and adulthood.[/quote]

Yes, thank you - I am aware of this. I have friends who were adopted as infants. One wanted nothing to do with her birth mother - no interest in meeting. One who searched for years, but could never find her until the woman died (in prison). Another who met his birth mother and it was...fine, he said; not life changing. My doctor was adopted, but it was closed.

Perhaps I should be more clear: I'd like an agency that is not solely open adoption. Where I live, the big push is for open adoption that includes ongoing visitation; that's not for me -- despite the agency's high success rates.[/quote]

Understand open adoption can mean anything from yearly pictures and updates to yearly visits to seeing the birth family all the time.  Its not unreasonable for a birth family to at a minimum want pictures and updates.  Can you imagine being in the position of not being able to parent your child and not knowing if your child is ok.  Most adoptions where everything is a secret and no contact, from what I've seen cause far more problems than is helpful.  [/quote]

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