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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Family dynamics change.  trying to organize a multigenerational gathering across country during a specific vacation time is a daunting task.

Agree with PP that you need to state very soon that this just won't work out for your family.  Get your DH involved and make him communicate this.

I'm local, with local ILs, parents and siblings and have been married a bit longer than you, OP.  I know how tough it is to navigate Thanksgiving!  Insane how "traditions" start and then turn into an increasingly elaborate productions with every year.  Stop the insanity.  We stopped going en masse to the beach because annually, another expectation was raised and it got to be too much.

I think your SIL will be relieved.  If she's like I am, she just wants a vacation, NOT a reunion.

[/quote]

DH is our family spokesperson for sure. I am done trying to navigate the insane passive aggressive nature of the women in this family. I think she would be so happy and relieved if the trip didn't happen. However, her husband (my BIL) would not be. And I think that is a major part of the problem. He (BIL) just will not let it go. When they were growing up, all the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins were local. They have many fond memories of spending time with their cousins as kids and I admire and appreciate the desire to keep the family close. But this trip has just become more and more of a nightmare as time has gone on. There are too many competing needs and desires to make it anything else. I suggested taking turns planning instead (with a dollar limit) so that we would each get to take a trip to someplace we would want to go one year out of three and to save all this back and forth, and you'd think I had suggested drowning some kittens in the bathtub or something.  [/quote]

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