Reply to Fearful avoidant/dismissive avoidant attachment in relationships

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Fearful avoidant/dismissive avoidant attachment in relationships"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Personally, no.  But i have two long-term girlfriends who have this kind of attachment style.  For many years they have acted like they wanted a long-term relationship and they actively seek them.  Since they are both quite pretty and smart, they have no trouble finding men.  But as soon as they start getting close, both of them begin to look for and find faults. They also tend to seek out men who are "impossible".  The more impossible the guy, the more they want to get close.  But it always ends the same way.  They leave the relationship and then blame the guy, who is often devastated.  These two are totally unaware of what they are doing and picture themselves as victims.  It's always the man's fault.[/quote]

I'm a guy, and I've been in two long term relationships like this.  Here's what I felt like:living on a crazy-making roller coaster.  One I finally dumped myself, and although she put up quite a scene in the moment, she moved on much faster than I did, so, nope I don't really think she mourned the relationship.  I think her issues were a little different from the typical fearful-avoidant though.

The later is exactly as the quoted poster above describes, and yes, I was devastated.  I had asked her as much as six months before she just vanished if she just wanted to dump me, and if so, just do it.  That's how she finally broke it off, just cleared her stuff out of my house while I was at work, without so much as a note.  I emailed her to say that I would come get my stuff from her place two days later, and when I showed up, all my stuff was in trash bags on her porch.  I had felt multiple times this crazy push-pull, hot-cold dynamic and I remember how much time she spent analyzing me and our relationship, particularly with one of her friends who happened to be a counselor but also with her therapist and I think, her ex-boyfriend who she was "friends" with (he was the friend-zone guy who was hoping to upgrade, I found out much later she ultimately settled for him as her emergency plan-B).

After a month or so (mostly spent in shock) I tried to reconcile with her and what I got was a rather nasty letter blaming me for everything.

I'm a slow learner, which is why I fell in love with two women like this before I learned my lesson; after that, though, hooo-boy...if you go hot/cold on me, I'm done.  DW is nothing like that, thank goodness!![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics